I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize