the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
