evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
