I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
