Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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