i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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