Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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