So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
