So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
