the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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