Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
