im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
