he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
