True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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