Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Michael Bay diarrhea
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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