and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
