You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
