Don't make out with my wife yet
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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