what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
