I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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