You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Everything about him screamed your future.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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