Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
