i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
