Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
