His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
