Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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