Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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