Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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