Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
