If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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