woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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