haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
