I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
