it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
