omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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