Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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