My girlfriend figured out who you are.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
how does that bad decision feel?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
