she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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