If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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