Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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