His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
