this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
