Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
