that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
