is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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