there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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