idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
