I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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