i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
