maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
