Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
