The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
