last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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