he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have tasted many bathrooms
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
