She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I will be naked everywhere
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize