I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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