I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
