sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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