I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
