Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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