it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
