He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
