Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
