I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
