And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
