Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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