And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
