So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
