You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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