she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
