the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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