She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you didnt know i had herpes?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
