Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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