dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
