Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
