Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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