3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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